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Taming the Inner Judge

Your mind (or specifically your judgments) will create your reality.


Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer. One day his horse ran away. All the neighbors came by that night to commiserate. "We are sorry your horse ran away". The farmer said, Maybe.

The next day, the horse returned, bringing with it seven wild horses. The neighbors came by again to celebrate, "Isn't that lucky! What a great turn of events." The farmer replied, Maybe.

The next day, the farmer's son, while trying to tame one of the wild horses, was thrown off and broke his leg. And all the neighbors said, "Well that's too bad." The farmer said, Maybe.

The next day the conscription agents came by, rounding up men for the army. They rejected his son because of the broken leg. All the neighbors came round and said "Isn’t that wonderful." And the farmer said, Maybe.


As humans, we make value judgments ALL THE TIME, often almost unconsciously, about ourselves, about others, and about situations:

"This is good."

"This is bad."

"I like this."

"I don't like that."

Those judgments are not objective reality. They are totally subjective, informed by your energy, perspective, identity, mindset, and mood. These constant judgments, particularly the negative ones, often create resistance, resentment and stress. And therefore, how you interpret the world, through the perspective of your mind, eventually creates your world.

The good news is that just as your mind can create a stressful reality, it can equally create a more easeful reality, when you bring consciousness to your thoughts and behavior.

Meaning is created through the judgement and lens we put on events. You get to choose your own meaning.

Curious how to bring more consciousness to your thoughts, and begin to choose a more easeful way of relating to the world?

1. Get to know your inner Judge.

Nearly all of us have an inner critic that is constantly passing judgment on ourselves, others, and situations we find ourselves in. Begin to create distance between you and the inner critic (sometimes called sabateour, judge, gremlin) by noticing it as a distinct voice separate from your true self. Notice everytime it passes a judgment - I like this food, I don't like that outfit, I don't think they are doing a good job, You're late again, You messed up. It can help to give your critic a name (e.g. Doubting Dan, Nasty Nicholas). By cultivating distance, you may start to notice patterns (e.g. Anxious Anne always shows up when I haven't gotten enough sleep) and begin to cultivate more acceptance of situations ("it is what is" over resistance) as well as self-love.

2. Cultivate your inner Sage.

As you begin to notice the impulsive reaction to judge and create more distinction from that nasty voice in your head, you can begin to practice conscious responding instead. Your inner Sage, the voice of curiousity and wisdom, might ask:

- What can I learn from this?

- How can I grow?

- What is valuable?

- How can I transform this into something positive?

The Sage part of your brain is encouraged by getting enough sleep, exercise and food, and consciously activating it through activities that promote presence, like meditation, focused breathing, and conscious movement. When you notice your Judge acting up, take a time out to breathe, stretch, and reset to tap into the Sage.

3. Make the unconscious conscious

We're so close to and habituated to our unconscious personality, patterns, and beliefs, it can be very hard to see where these ways of being, judging, and interpreting the world are not supporting our goals.

Working 1-1 with a coach is the most efficient way to see ourselves mirrored back in a supportive way, integrate unconscious emotions or patterns, and embody reframing from judgment to conscious discernment. In my coaching practice, I draw on a variety of frameworks and tools to help my clients go deeper and further far more efficiently than is often possible working on one's own. I draw from the Enneagram, Energy Leadership, Positive Intelligence, Accelerated Evolution and nervous system activation.

Schedule a free consult with me to discuss the opportunities and challenges you're currently facing, and how I can support you in making positive impact in the world.


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